Family Matters

My husband's Amish family is such a source of normalcy, reliability and strength for me. Because of their values, they don't believe in divorce, and they only remarry in the event of a death.

About five years ago, my family was much of the same, but along the way, something went astray. My parents separated and later divorced, my brother got married and divorced within a matter of months, and another brother married and then filed for divorce. Numerous girlfriends abounded amongst the men in my family. On August 1, 2009 my dad remarried. Tomorrow, my brother will also remarry.

My husband and I have been together for six years (married for three). He has endured this entire experience with me. His family was aware of the happenings and were supportive of me. None of his family are perfect individually, or as married couples, but they uphold the commands God set forth in the Bible, which I also firmly believe. Although it is hard for me to support the institution of marriage for my father and brother the second time around, I am supportive of them as God's family and pray for them. I believe that is what God wants me to do.

I am thankful for the support my husband's family has given me. Before he and I got engaged, he asked me what I thought of divorce. To me, that was a rhetorical question with an unequivocal answer; however, he had a very good reason for asking. Many of our adult behaviors, we have learned from our parents. Because my parents are divorced, he assumed I thought it was okay. He soon learned otherwise. It is interesting though when you turn the tables. I wouldn't have thought to ask him that question because I know his Amish parents instilled those values within him.

Bartering with Produce

Growing up, my family always had a garden. My mom would generally can tomatoes, tomato juice, green beans and sweet corn. I suppose when I became an adult, it was natural for me to think I needed to do the same, but I had a problem. My mother never taught me how to can.

My husband and I were still dating when I decided to take on this new hobby. Because my parents were separated, it was difficult for me to ask my mom to teach me, so I enlisted the help of my mother-in-law (MIL) and got supplies from my grandma. My MIL always says that a recipe is easy, and most of the time she is right, but I was still skeptical.

My dad and I had planted several tomato plants and when they were ready, I asked my MIL to teach me how to make salsa (which, she pronounces sall-sa, like Sally). I had plenty of jars and lids from our farmhouse and my MIL told me to bring canning salt. When the day I arrived, I was prepared to chop bushels onions, jalapenos, cilantro, etc. for the salsa. We started by blanching the tomatoes whole for just a few seconds and then shocking them in cold water. Then, we removed the skins and placed them in a large kettle. After we were finished, my MIL broke out her secret weapon... a total cheater if you will...
I was completely taken aback and yet relieved that I wouldn't be crying all afternoon from the chopping. But, I really couldn't believe it. I incorrectly assumed that all Amish women slaved over their stoves all summer to make salsa and other canned goods (which, they do, but I suppose this may be one of the corners they cut). After cooking the mix with the tomatoes for about 10 minutes, we had fresh salsa.

So it began. Last year I canned 88 quarts of green beans, 16 pints of pickled beets, 20 quarts of whole tomatoes, 20 pints of salsa, 8 quarts of tomato juice, 16 pints of spaghetti sauce and pizza sauce and 6 quarts of chili sauce (using the packets), 20 pints of pickle relish, and a host of other items.

Earlier this year, my husband and I planted our garden, but our green beans and beets didn't come up very well. So, I asked my MIL if she had extra, and of course she did. She has been sharing her produce with me for nearly six years and finally this year I was able to return the favor. Her tomato plants are all dying from blight. I planted 28 plants this year and my brother doused the soil with an extra dose of nitrogen at the beginning of the year. Needless to say, they are flourishing. I am excited to help her out with the tomato harvest, but I have a REALLY long way to go before I will every be able to repay her.

Recycling at its Finest

In our Amish community, it is quite common to recycle and reuse anything possible. When an Amish family builds on to their current home, they may try to save old 2 x 4's or salvage siding from somewhere to accomplish the task. Because my husband was raised this way, I believe he now recycles anything "old."

In May, he and I became owners to a new hand-crafted log home, shipped from British Columbia. However, at that time, the home was simply log walls and later a roof. We are truly on a budget, and always looking for ways to cut costs. We have been searching for about three years for an old barn to tear down so that we could use the siding on the gable ends of our home. Finally in June of this year, we caught a completely lucky break. A man contacted the Arcola Chamber of Commerce to see if they knew of any Amish woodworkers interested in an old barn with which they could make furniture. Because their staff knew of no one, they called the Illinois Amish Interpretive Center. I was elated to receive the call!

We drove about 45 minutes to see the barn. It's true date is not known, but what we do know is that the owner, now 80, moved to the farm at a very young age and the barn was "very old" then, he claimed. We estimate that it was about 150 years old. The beams and posts were held together with wood pins (of which and none broke during deconstruction), the shutters, chutes, ladders, tongue and groove floors, barn siding and car siding were all in excellent condition, except for one side that was damaged in a tornado last year. We began deconstructing the barn, salvaging everything possible. The 12 x 12 hand-hewn beams had to wait until final demolition.

We have now filled our garage and one of my dad's outbuildings with the deconstructed barn that will be used in countless ways on our new home. We have a new pantry door--a weathered barn door, car siding to line many of our interior rooms, barn siding for the exterior gables, a ladder to our loft, flooring for our office, beams for our porch, shudders for decoration, and much more.

This morning, my husband and I unloaded the last of the beams. I couldn't help but to think that his Amish roots were the reason we took on such an ambitious project, keeping recycling and frugality in mind all the while.

A Bit of Clarity

Technically, I didn't marry an Amish man. I married a man who was raised Amish, and there is a big difference. My husband was raised in an Amish family, one of five boys, in the heart of Illinois Amish country. Growing up, his family drove a horse and buggy to get places, made their own clothing, lived without electricity, and attended Old Order Amish church services. Those who are raised Amish are all given a choice whether they wish to continue in the faith. This choice cannot occur before the age of 16, because the Amish do not allow their members to be baptized until they are adults (the Amish have decided that 16 is considered an adult) and they must be baptized when they join the church. My husband chose not to join the Old Order Amish church, mainly because he likes trucks and stereos (and several other spiritual reasons), and later joined a First Christian Church at the age of 26.

So many people are confused about this time in an Amish person's life because the media and fictional books have romanticised the Amish into being a cult of people who shun those who leave. On the contrary though, those who are raised Amish are generally only shunned if they join the Amish church and then leave. My husband never joined the church; therefore he never left the church. The way I see this is... he never made that promise to them, so he never broke that promise to them. My husband and I eat lunch with his Old Order Amish parents every Monday, attend family gatherings, celebrate holidays, and just simply hang out with them on a regular basis. Furthermore, my Amish in-laws have accepted me as part of the family and when we are around each other, the only difference among us is the way we dress.

I certainly welcome any questions about this time in his life, or in mine for that matter. Stay tuned for more educational, humorous, and just plain interesting stories about my life as the wife of a "fence jumper."